Visitors!

Today, Grandma & Grandpa Tinsley came to visit!!! It was a fun day for Mighty D. There were all sorts of loves and hugs and snuggles. Very good for Duncan. Unfortunately, they were only able to stay the day and had to go home this evening. Hopefully they'll be able to spend more time next visit.

We're ready for a lazy day tomorrow. It's our 12th anniversary :) We may go for a picnic in the afternoon but we haven't decided for certain. We're see tomorrow. We're still so excited to have Duncan home that we don't really care about our anniversary this year. At least I don't. Plus we're really tired and aren't overly concerned about too much.

Duncan is ready for an outing in the car that doesn't involve going to the doctor. We need to do something fun so he doesn't associate car rides with negative stuff.

For some reason, Duncan does not want to go to sleep during the evenings. Tonight we tried waiting 2 hours between feedings (4 ounces each feeding!!) and let him fuss between. Which was really difficult but we needed to let him be. Then we fed him lots and hopefully he'll go to sleep soon & stay asleep for a while. We'll see...

Happy Birthday!

First things first: HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my nephew Thomas! I can't believe my bob-a-looey is now 10! It was just yesterday we trying to teach you to walk. Your first word was "Aaro" because you love your Uncle Aaron so much. You are such a special boy and I can't wait to see what life brings you! I love you tons and bunches, my nephew!!!

Duncan, Aaron & I ventured to the doctor again today. We're going to have to take Duncan somewhere that isn't a doctor so he doesn't dread the car. His pediatrician is a bit concerned about his growth so we went to see a pediatric endocrinologist. She is a lovely lady. Poor Duncan had to get blood tests, though. Which really, really sucked. We had to hold him while the tech did a heel stick. Then continue holding him until she got enough blood. Unfortunately, we have to go back next week for another blood test because we needed 6 vials and the tech didn't want to draw any more than 5 today. Poor bunny.

But we'll get some answers and get Duncan's growth on the right path!

After the doctor & lab visit, we went to see my office. It was weird to go to work, even for a few minutes. But Duncan was very well behaved. He cooed and gurgled and only spit up on me. He had lots of fun, I think, seeing the voices that talked to him for so long. They just loved Roswell (that's what they called him before he was born because the ultrasounds looked like an alien). He loves them, too!

Good news! My eyesight is still 20/15 :) Not too bad for someone who used to be legally blind without glasses! I love Lasik! And, finally, the dilation drops are wearing off. So I can see up close again!!

It was a quiet day. Aaron doesn't work on Wednesday's so we just hung out. I got in a nap this morning with Mighty D. Always a good thing! I'm not sure what I'll do when I actually have to be awake for at least 8 hours when I go back to work!

Duncan has been a bit fussy this evening. He doesn't want to go to sleep and is fighting very hard to stay awake. We've put him on the floor to see if he'll hang out but he keeps trying to eat the blanket so we'll feed him...again. The boy has a hollow leg! Hopefully warm milk will put him to sleep. For a little while, anyway.

I am feeling so much better! I didn't have any nausea spells today which seems almost miraculous. Better living through chemistry, as Aaron says! I don't care, I'm just so glad to be feeling better!

Tomorrow we head back to the doctor. Then, maybe, we'll stop by my office to introduce Duncan to my co-workers. No promises, though, as he might be an angry beast...

Cousins!

Helping Adam be gentle

Duncan loves his cousin Thomas!!!!

Today, Duncan finally got to meet his cousins! Thomas & Adam came over to visit (along with their parents, of course). And they brought lunch :)

Duncan's appointment went okay. There was a bit of a hitch so we have to go see another doctor on Thursday but it'll all work out. Not too many worries.

We're all so glad the heat broke! It's only 77 today. Granted, it's really humid but it's still so much better than the 101 from yesterday!

I've been feeling much better today. One small bout of nausea and then done. Yippee!!! I'm still taking it pretty carefully on what food I eat because the antibiotic I'm on is potent. But I have hope I'll be back to "normal" soon :)

We're hoping to make the next homestand for the Spokane Indians. We've only made it to one game this year but I think I'll be ready to let my boy out in public. Maybe...

Next week we also get to go visit Uncle Joe and Auntie Mary for Thomas' 10th birthday!! Duncan's first "long" trip. Should be interesting.

And now, back to laundry. My son managed to pee all over both sets of changing pad covers and most of his blankets in the past 2 days. When we received 8 receiving blankets we thought we'd never need that many! Boy were we wrong!!!

Ooftah

Well it's been an interesting couple of days. Following my mastitis diagnosis my fever continued to stick around. So I had a very, very sluggish Saturday. Fortunately Duncan was sleepy, too, so we napped together :) Unfortunately, he was up every 90 minutes but that's okay. We made it.

Today Aaron has pretty much taken care of Duncan. I've been resting & pumping & resting & pumping. I need to keep the milk flowing to help get rid of the infection. Fortunately I have a really good pump. But the good news is I think my fever broke this morning. So I'm feeling much better. Plus I've only had 3 bouts of nausea in the past 2 days which is a HUGE improvement over 24/7 nausea. I was actually able to eat an entire can of soup! When you've been eating 1 can in 3 or 4 sittings, that is a great thing.

Duncan has been growing and eating and pooping. Lots of pooping. How can something so small create so much poop??? Especially on an all liquid diet. Amazing. Good thing he's so cute!

Aaron gave Duncan a taste of his popsicle. Duncan liked it (we think). Although I'm pretty sure he's not supposed to be eating popsicles until he's at least 2 months old :)

Tomorrow Duncan gets to go to the doctor again. I won't say what for because someday he will read these blog entries and he will commit matricide. Routine procedure that Daddy gets to take him to. Mommy will get an hour or so to herself! Yikes - what will I do?? Probably sleep.

Well, that explains a lot part 2

Guess what goes great with PPD? Mastitis. I know, you're all totally jealous of me. I can tell. So now I'll be on antibiotics to get rid of the infection. Which is good because I'm running a temperature & it really sucks when it's over 80.

I oh so totally love the baby seat carrier frame I bought. It's a frame you attach the car seat to. Rather than buy a full "travel system" for $300 or more I just got the frame for $53 :) It works with the car seat Mary loaned me and huzzah! Super portable baby!! It was awesome today. I can set it up one-handed. And it's less than 14 pounds. LOVE IT!

My check up went well. My doctor isn't overly concerned about my nausea, especially since it's a sign of anxiety which is how my PPD is manifesting. It could also be partially due to the mastitis. The mastitis is why I've been feeling crappier than usual. Fortunately Duncan is still in the sleep for 15-18 hour phase of life. So we nap together. YAY us! I'm cleared to go back to work as of the 3rd or so. I think I have enough time through the 13th. So not too bad.

Our lactation consultation went well, too. Duncan was using a nipple shield to nurse because he was so tiny. But today he successfully nursed directly from me so I don't think we'll need it anymore. Which makes the late night top-off soooo much easier! Plus he took 75 ml from me which is really great.

And now, the beast is waking so I'd best go get a bottle ready :)

6 weeks!

We're still trucking along here at the Tinsley house. Aaron is a marvel. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for him.

I'm doing better but am still not where I want to be. I can eat more which is good but still not what I want/need to. But I'm getting there. I have my follow-up with my doctor tomorrow & maybe she can give me something for nausea. But emotionally I'm better.

Duncan has now been home a week. It's been a very long but quick week. 3 am feedings are so much fun. We top off Duncan's tank right before we go to bed and then he'll usually last until 2:30 or 3. Then he'll usually make it until 6 or 7. Not too bad for a 6 week old!! Especially since he's only been home a week :)

I'm going to try & get a video of my son when he's waking up. It takes about an hour and he has quite a symphony of noises. It's really cute (still sooo unbiased). However, it will require me to actually be awake enough to do it. hmmm.

Duncan appears to be going through a growth spurt. The past couple evenings he's been inconsolable until we feed him (about 90 minutes after his last meal!). Hopefully this will be a short lived thing. For a very quiet, not fussy baby this kid can turn it up to 11!

And now, the boy is fed and in bed. Whew!

3:30 am

Hmm...one probably shouldn't blog at 3:30 am. Oh well...there's not much else to do while pumping in the wee hours ;-) Aaron's feeding the boy so I get to pump!

Duncan is doing "Neat" according to his pediatrician. He's a very nice fellow. Duncan's now up to 7 pounds!! And he passed everything for his 1 month visit. He has an umbilical hernia but that should clear up by age 2. Apparently it's not so unusual. And Aaron gets to take him for his circumcision on Monday. I'll probably end up going but Aaron gets to be in the room.

We both survived the car ride. I did discovered I should've topped off Duncan's tank before we left the doctor's office. He started screaming about Division and Garland. And there was nothing I could do...But when we walked in the door *poof* he was fine. Silly boy.

I am feeling much better. I actually ate without having to wash down every bite like a pill! Which is a HUGE improvement. Ah, better living through chemistry. I think I can beat this! And thanks to all for the encouraging posts & emails. It's comforting to know I'm not alone.

I also discovered that if I go with pretty much the same schedule as Duncan, I feel better, especially when Aaron's at work. So I feed Duncan, we play for a bit then I put him to bed. Then I eat & pump & go lay down, too. I don't always sleep but I rest. It worked really well yesterday so it's possibly I may get caught up on sleep (yeah, right!)

I'll try to remember to take pictures tomorrow. We were both pretty tuckered out after the doctor.

Well, that explains a lot

In all the books I read before I had Duncan, none of them mentioned how much babies talk in their sleep! The first couple nights I was awakened by every squeak, gurgle, grunt and yelp. Now I've gotten better and know which ones mean "Wake up, Momma!!! I need you!"

But the child chatters (of sorts) every single morning for about an hour. Which is good because I know I have about an hour of sleep left. Usually.

Last night, we gave Duncan his first bath at home. There are no pictures because it took both of us to support each other & get him bathed :) We all survived.

Duncan also let us sleep from 3 am until 7:30 today! We were quite pleased, to say the least!!

This next part is a bit more difficult to write about. But I know I need to because a) it's healthy and recommended and b) it may help someone who reads this blog.

I have postpartum depression. It's probably been going on for several weeks but I didn't realize it because I had a mission: get Duncan home. The morning we came home I was violently ill which I chalked up to nerves. After all, I'd never actually been his primary caregiver. But then my stomach and GI issues continued. Friday I again chalked it up to nerves. But then I started reading and thinking about it and talked with Aaron. From what I read, extreme anxiety is a definite sign of postpartum depression. Plus I'd couldn't really eat much unless I forced myself because I was so nauseated.

So today I called my doctor to ask for help. Damn difficult for me to do but I knew I couldn't get over it on my own. She had me do the questionnaire over the phone to diagnose the depression. Fortunately (?) I only really had 2 symptoms but that was enough. The extraordinary anxiety and loss of appetite/nausea are those. My doctor put me on meds that should kick in in about 3-5 days (versus 2-4 weeks for other drugs). Hopefully this gets me over the hump and I'll be back in the saddle soon.

Aaron has been extraordinary during this. He has let me go sleep whenever I needed to. He takes care of Duncan and makes sure I get something to eat. He checks on me and makes sure I know he's here for me. I am so blessed by my helpmate. I cannot express how much I love this man!!! (and now I'm sitting here typing & crying which is good because I also haven't been able to really emote for the past few days, either. Good sign!) I hope and pray that anyone else who goes through this has someone like Aaron. His support made calling the doctor easier.

It also helps me so much to know I have a wonderful support network. I know there are at least 20 people I could call who would come & watch Duncan if I needed them. I also know those same people would come over & do dishes, laundry, vacuum or whatever else was needed if I called. That truly means so much to me. You have made it possible for me to be strong enough to seek help. I love you all (though not as much as I love Aaron. He'll always be #1).

On to other things...

Tomorrow is Duncan's first pediatrician appointment. My first car trip as driver. It should be okay. I'm ready for this! Especially since I know I get to do it again on Friday when we go to my doctor appointment and visit the lactation consultant. That will be a busy day but hopefully I can time feedings so I have my happy baby and not the beast.

We're also coming up to the end of my moratorium on visitors. I want to thank everyone for staying away so Aaron & I could find our parenting feet. So after Thursday, it's okay to come visit. I need to reiterate a few things, though.

If you're not feeling well or have a member of your household who is ill, please don't come visit until you're sure no one is contagious.

There is hand sanitizer by the door or you can go to the kitchen and wash your hands. This isn't optional. Also, if you use your cell phone I'll pass you more hand sanitizer if you're going to hold Duncan. Cell phones are cesspools of germs. At least mine is so I'm projecting it to all of you.

Please call before you come visit. Just in case we're sleeping or it's just not a good time. On Friday, we'll be gone from about 1:45 or so until about 5.

Wellesley is closed. Your best bets are to come north on either Maple or Monroe and turn on Wabash. Come to Adams and huzzah!

Thanks for reading my random post today...it was actually quite therapeutic for me to write.

Tired...

Wow. I thought I was tired before. Damn was I wrong. But I am glad I'm 90% healed from my c-section! I can't imagine doing this while at 10%. Yikes.

Duncan is a bit nervous that we'll leave, I think. When he was in hospital he'd fuss up a storm in the evenings when we'd leave for the night. He knew we wouldn't be there for a while & wanted us to stay. Now he fights sleep because he's afraid we'll leave again. Which is so sad but totally understandable. Poor bug.

I still haven't been feeling well. But I may have found one reason...I discovered I haven't been eating enough salt. With the warmer weather & us not being at the hospital where it was always between 74 and 76 I hadn't gotten accustomed to the warm weather. So now that we're home & only have a window a/c unit, it's much warmer. We had debated buying a portable a/c unit but haven't gotten around to it. And after seeing the EOB's so far, we're going to make do :)

Duncan gets to go visit the doctor on Tuesday. It'll be interesting. I need to start writing down my questions so I don't forget anything. I ordered a car seat carrier that will (hopefully) get here before we go to the doctor. It's a travel frame that you click & strap the car seat into. Much lighter (and cheaper) than a travel system :) Fingers crossed it works!!!

And now, to bed.

New Normal?

Sleeping in my bassinet

Wow! It's been 2 days of having my baby home!!!! I'm still shocked.

We managed to get the shopping done. We went in shifts. I got to go to Walmart & Aaron got Costco. It wasn't too bad, all things considered. I re-stocked our supply of microwave meals. I love love love that Stouffers, Green Giant & Birds Eye all have full meals in a bag. Pop it in the microwave and huzzah! 7 to 15 minutes later, dinner! Then you mix it in a bowl & serve it on your fancy dinnerware (otherwise known as paper plates & plastic forks & knives). Wonderful!!

I know people have offered to shop for us but it's good to get out of the house for a bit. Really makes me appreciate my house!!!

It's my first day with Duncan while Aaron's at work. So far, we're doing good. We've eaten and slept and changed diapers. I've gotten a load of laundry done and the bottles, etc washed and sterilized. Now I"m relaxing as much as I can between trips to check on Duncan.

I do have an advantage over most parents - I don't have to put a spoon or mirror under his nose to make sure he's breathing. The monitor tells me he is. But I still check on him lots, just in case. Plus he's so cute! I could just watch him for hours!!

Day one

I will not fall asleep...Soft Momma...No! I will not fall asleep. zzzzzz

I still can't believe we're home! It's now been over 24 hours :) YAY!

Duncan was a bit confused yesterday. Those were a busy couple days. He was fussy during our rooming in, too. He doesn't appear to like change much. So we held him and told him he was safe and loved. He calmed down and we had a pretty good night. We got to bed around 11:30 and he slept until just after 3. Not too shabby! Then we got him to bed around 3:40 (I went & pumped since I was up). I got back to bed around 4 & was drifting away with the thought of, "Oh good - no brady or apnea attacks" when the monitor went off. Duncan was fine - his parents took a bit longer to calm down. But the monitor is doing what we want it to. Waking us up to make sure he's okay.

Duncan then slept until 6:30...then we fed him, put him to bed & everyone slept until 9:30. I think we may be able to do this active parenting thing!!

I can't wait until the pediatrician lets me do more breastfeeding for Duncan. Right now I bf twice daily. About 12 hours or so apart. We don't want to tire Mighty D out or make him use too much energy feeding so he doesn't gain weight. Interestingly, I'll probably never get to do all bf-ing since I'm back to work soon. But I'd get weekends :) We'll cross that bridge later, though. It would just make night feeds so much easier right now. Sit up, latch kiddo on, burp kiddo, put kiddo back to bed, go to sleep. We'll get there :)

I had my first time truly alone with Duncan today. We did good. He finished his lunch, had his diaper changed, had his diaper changed again, changed his clothes & put him down for a nap. I had my lunch then joined him. I woke up when Aaron came home from lunch. Duncan stayed asleep. Good boy.

My pump came today :) I'll probably test it tomorrow - I want to get as much milk pumped as possible before I have to return my hospital grade pump. It's a workhorse. In fact, when we left the hospital yesterday we brought home 2 boxes of frozen milk. The nutritionist said most women would give their left arm to pump half that much.

Apparently I'm an overachiever. And I don't pump 8+ times a day, either. 7 at the most when he in hospital, after his feedings now. The boy won't starve!!!

We also discovered that 12 cloth diapers (we use them for burp rags) aren't enough LOL. It's on the list for the next store trip. So is hand sanitizer (the nurse let us take some home from the NICU since we didn't have any).

And now, my boy is awake and needs to play!

WE'RE HOME!!!!!

HOME!!!!!

Almost home

Longest car ride EVER! He slept the whole time...

Nurse Julie got to carry him out

Rooming in

Last hospital picture

Exactly 5 weeks after Duncan was born, he FINALLY came home!!!!

We spent the night at the hospital last night...it was an interesting experience. They leave you alone so you can get to know your baby one-on-one and so you can learn how to use the monitor. The apnea monitor is interesting. It goes off whenever Duncan has an apnea attack or a brady. Or if he wiggles too much & the leads move. We had one of each last night - He self-recovered from the apnea & the brady. Aaron & I eventually recovered from the sound of the leads coming off. It was LOUD. But we're both very glad we have it, just in case. We figure he'll be on it for a month or so. It's up to the doctor.

The head of neonatology at Sacred Heart came in to do Duncan's final check & formally release us. He profusely apologized for the confusion on Tuesday. I told him I understood, it's the doctor's job to protect the babies. His reply was it's also our job to know the parents. Aaron & I have nothing but good things to say about our experience. All things considered. The nurses were phenomenal. Understanding, nurturing, comforting and loving to our boy and to us. The doctors were great. They answered any questions we had and always had time for us. I don't recommend having a baby in the NICU but if you do and you're in the area, go to Sacred Heart. Have your baby there. They are AWESOME!

Here are some things I've learned over the past 5 weeks:

• Aaron & I are much stronger than we thought we were.
• Aaron & I are much weaker, too. We see a smile from that boy of ours and melt.
• The drive back from the hospital on Friday & Saturday nights takes you past some very entertaining "hot" spots in Spokane.
• You make the drive too often when you recognize the homeless people
• Don't get plasma from the place on 2nd Avenue. The line is frightening. It wraps around the building and there are no people you want bodily fluids from.
• The soap at Sacred Heart results in the worst cuticles ever. I have actual splits in my fingers from the soap.
• The cafeteria food is decent but you've been there too long when you know Wednesday is pizza day.
• Apparently, I must have food in my belly at all times. This morning was spent throwing up nothing...Stress is not good. But I'm much better now.
• The nurses at Sacred Heart are AWESOME
• I'm glad I planned and have enough time off to stay with Duncan until August 13. Almost another month. I wanted to spend almost 10 weeks with him but don't have enough leave and can't afford unpaid leave (especially after the EOB's I've seen from Premera). But 4 weeks or so more is great.
• I appreciate that Aaron & I have schedules that will make it so Duncan doesn't have to go to daycare. After the past 5 weeks I couldn't leave him at a daycare. Aaron works 4 evenings a week and I work days. He'll bring Duncan down to my office & we'll trade cars & Duncan & I get to go home :)
• I'm really, really grateful for all the support we've gotten from our families and friends. My village is AWESOME!!

I promise to keep up on the blog as much as I can. Duncan is still my little miracle and we will be celebrating him forever!!!

Fingers Crossed

GOOD NEWS!! Duncan's doctor was back today & profusely apologized for the confusion. The other doctor is fairly new & has to assume parents a) visit their babies once a day (if that) and b) will use an apnea monitor for babysitting. Duncan's doctor know that we won't do either. She's totally okay with the monitor & we're rooming in TONIGHT!!!

If all goes well, my baby will be home with me TOMORROW!!! Exactly 5 weeks after he was born. YAY!!!! But until he is in the car seat, in the car, actually away from the hospital, I won't believe it.

Since I'll be gone tonight & need to get this posted then go pack, etc it's a short post.

We can have our cell phones but they'll be set to silent so if you need us call & we'll give you a call back. If it's urgent, call the NICU and they'll put you through to us.

Please keep your fingers (and toes and eyes and hair) crossed this is our last night!!!

Whew...

Momzilla

Aaron occasionally calls me "Momzilla." I can't imagine why. LOL. Today it came in handy.

Our regular doctor has the day off. Yesterday she was off, too, but we had a different sub (one we'd had before). Today, Duncan's original doctor was back. The neonatology group works at both Deaconess and Sacred Heart so a couple of the doctors switch monthly. Anyway...yesterday's doctor hadn't charted about us going home with an apnea monitor or that he was totally okay with us going home. Duncan had a minor brady this morning and the doc wanted to keep Duncan in hospital for another few days. That was not what we wanted to hear. And since this doctor doesn't know us like our regular doctor does, she didn't really listen to the nurse who does know us. Believe me, the nurse fought for us!

But once the doctor came in & talked to us, she was more okay with us bringing Duncan home. She explained the pros & cons of the monitor. I told her that we were using the monitor as a secondary means to make sure he's okay, especially when he's asleep. I told her that Duncan will be sleeping in our room next to our bed and that we'd hear him, regardless of the monitor. We want the monitor to try & make sure he doesn't have an attack while sleeping that we miss. We admit we're probably overly paranoid but I don't care. I believe the monitor is medically necessary. The doctor agreed.

So they've ordered the monitor and we'll be trained on it tomorrow. We're likely rooming in tomorrow night. Possibly Thursday. But we're still close! (and it may be Friday or Saturday, depending on what the doctor says. but I'm still hopeful!!!)

Feeding-wise, Duncan is now on his on schedule. They try to keep babies on 3 or 4 hour schedules, depending on needs. Duncan transitioned himself to 4 hour feeds and is taking between 80 and 100 ml per feeding. Which is totally awesome!! Especially since he's still gaining weight. He's up to 6 pounds, 8.8 ounces.

The dietitian came in today to talk about breast milk storage, etc. She told me she wants to take Duncan home :) She thinks he's pretty cute. I can't disagree!

Aaron & I will pack our bags tomorrow & will be ready for rooming in tomorrow night. We have a couple DVD's ready since it's really boring and their cable stinks. (it was so bad we watched the Stanley Cup final while I was in labor...because the Food Network when you can't eat is just plain mean)

Keep fingers crossed all goes well!!!! I know I am :)

News...:)

Awww!

I'm awake. What do you want to do??
(by the way - it took my Momma like 10 minutes to figure out how to get me out of this...)

Duncan is gaining an average of 20 grams a day or almost an ounce :) Which is good because we've had to increase the volume of milk he gets to make sure he continues to grow.

And boy does he suck it down!!! I told him last night that he's a little piggy and Aaron said, "Pigs at least stop to chew..." Which is true. My boy downs 65 ml in 20 minutes or less :)

The boy was still a hungry guy all day! He was awake from 6 am to 9 am - at 7:30 he was making hunger cues so the nurse fed him 40 ml and he scarfed it down then went to sleep. She also brought him in a swing so he got to hang out in that for a while. Which was really cute. Then he ate again around 10:15...and then he was OUT. Slept until 2:15 for a daddy feeding. Then he ate 85 ml. 85!!! Wow. The physical therapist, the nurse & the daddy were all quite impressed. Hopefully he stays asleep until 6 so we can get him back on a schedule. Hopefully LOL...

And now, for the news. HE'S COMING HOME!!!! We are so freaking excited I can't even describe it. Aaron talked with the doctor about the brady attacks and we're coming home with an apnea monitor. The doctor figures he'll have the attacks for another month or so & we all agreed that staying in the NICU for another month isn't a good plan, especially since we can bring him home on a monitor. So tonight I'm taking in the car seat. We'll have to "room in" since we need trained on the monitor and they want us there in case something happens or if we have questions. Depending on when the rooms are available, we'll room in Tuesday or Wednesday night and then bring him home Wednesday or Thursday. 5 weeks of NICU then he's home!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! I do, however, know that there is a possibility of set-back and am not counting my chickens until I have a boy in a car seat on the way home ;)

Sooo...once Duncan is cleared to come home, I need to set up some boundaries/rules/crazy Momma Bear stuff. For the first week, I'd like it if Aaron & I could have Duncan to ourselves. Even though we're at the hospital all the time, it's not the same as having him home. Not that we don't want visitors. I know some of you are dying to meet him and cuddle. Especially his cousin Thomas who isn't allowed to even come into the NICU because they have an age minimum. But after the first week or so, if you'd call first to make sure we're not sleeping or overly grumpy that would be great. I want to limit it to 2 or 3 visitors at a time so we don't overtire him. I'll also have a bottle of hand sanitizer by the door (and by the crib and near the sofa and...) for you to use when you walk in the door. The last thing I want is for Duncan to have to be re-admitted. Because he's so small and has been in hospital for so long his immune system might not be at 100% yet. So I'm going to be overly cautious until his pediatrician tells me to knock it off. Or Aaron threatens to divorce me. The doctor assured me that this type of precaution isn't crazy LOL.

When we go out, we have a Moby wrap (HUGE THANKS to my Squister :)) to put him in. People are significantly less likely to touch a baby that is attached to a Momma or Daddy with teeth than when the baby is in a stroller. Go figure.

I know, I'm probably being way over-protective. But after the past month, anyone who was in my shoes would probably do the same thing.

Whew! What a day!!!!

Fingers Crossed

I can almost reach it...

Such a sweet boy!!!!

Duncan has now eaten 15 full feedings in a row!!!! He's doing really, really well :)

Right now, what's mainly keeping him in the hospital is his brady attacks. He had one overnight during a feeding that dropped his oxygen saturation levels to around 60%. Not good. Fortunately he came out of it but the doctor is wary. She's not super concerned but it's enough to keep Mighty D in hospital for an extra day or two. Or until we're all comfortable that Duncan won't have a major brady attack at home.

But we are oh so close! No car seat test yet but we are definitely close :) Well, actually his doctor gave us the go-ahead for the car seat test but we opted to wait a day or so. Just in case.

He did eat really well this evening and didn't have a single brady attack which is a good thing. Hopefully he'll do as well overnight and tomorrow. Then maybe we'll do the car seat test tomorrow afternoon or evening.

Today we had a very amusing thing happen. Our nurse came back and said that a friend was out front to see us. Now all of our friends and family call or text us first to make sure we're there & can have visitors. Exceptions are our friends who are firefighter/paramedics. When they bring in babies they stop by. Anyway. I went out and there was a nice black lady standing there with gifts. I have never seen her in my life. She looks at the nurse, looks at me and says, "The woman I'm looking for is black." (obviously NOT me LOL). We thought it was hysterical that there were 2 Tinsley babies and that they're a bit diverse :) Made us laugh a lot! Cause after spending a winter in Spokane and nearly 5 weeks in the NICU, I'm pretty much a spotted albino. :)

PS

Somehow, "Duncan" pulled out his gavage tube.
Hopefully he'll be able to get full feeds through the night & they won't put a new one in!!

Shhh...

So stinkin' cute!!

I must have my arm out.

Mighty D is one day closer to home! Yesterday we had 5 full feeds in a row...then, overnight, he had minor amounts gavaged (13 & 15 ml). I was talking with his nurse today about it & she wondered why that was so since he eats so well during the day. Aaron & I had talked about it and figure since the nurses, while absolutely amazing, don't have a vested interest in Duncan they'll not push him like Aaron & I do. Today's nurse agreed. So we've come up with a minor conspiracy...shhhhh.

It's possible that when I go back at 9 "Duncan" will have pulled out his gavage tube. Since he's eating so well, there's no sense in putting it back in if we can get his feeds down. Please send up prayers that he'll be able to eat well! When he does & can consistently do it for 48 hours we get to bring him home within a few days after. Hopefully it will be soon! I love love love this nurse! If that doesn't work, I think Aaron & I will take shifts - he'll take most of the day & I'll take the night so we can get our boy fully fed all the time. Hopefully it won't come to that.

This morning, I won an auction on Ebay - a Medela breast pump for less than $175. If anyone has ever priced one, you know this is a good deal :) I must say the perception of getting a bargain is awesome! Now I'm ready to go back to work..okay, not really (sorry co-workers. I love you guys but I love my Duncan more). But now I can travel and such and not be concerned about whether or not Premera will pay for my breast pump rental. Granted, I'll keep the hospital grade pump as long as possible but I'm ready :)

Have I told you lately, dear readers, how much I appreciate you? I started this blog as a way to a) get all my feelings out with only minor breakdowns and tears and b) cut down on the phone calls needed to keep people up to date. Those calls were so difficult because I wanted to be upbeat and hopeful but they were so draining. I wasn't strong enough to be there for my beloved and my baby and call people. So I started this blog. And I cannot express how thankful I am for all the kind words, prayers and good wishes sent our way. I told people that I wasn't someone who needed a village to get through my pregnancy. Which was true. I had a truly blessed, easy pregnancy. But the village I didn't know I had has rallied around my little family making it a BIG family and I am so amazed by you. I hope that you know you're all in my prayers, too.

Is anyone else now humming "In the Navy" or "YMCA"? Sorry - terrible Village People pun. :-)

PS - if you're singing "In the Navy" are you also recalling the Muppets version with Link Hogthrob??

See how big I am?

Have I mentioned lately that Duncan is doing awesome? He is!!! While he only gained 10 grams overnight, he's still averaging enough weight gain that they're not concerned. :) Don't we all wish that was our problem?

So far today, he's eaten full feeds. We left around 12:30 so I could get Aaron back to his car & I'm heading back around 5ish. Hopefully the nurse was able to get another full feed into him.

My child is terribly funny. He definitely has his daddy's temper. He'll get mad then, when it's all settled, he's fine and all smiles. Love it! Today he woke up around 11:40 from a sound sleep hungry and he let everyone know. We rushed to get a bottle warm (ended up putting 10 ml into a 2nd bottle to heat faster & got the rest to him asap). He ate the entire 65 ml bottle plus his anti-gas meds. And was still rooting around for more. But I cuddled him for a few minutes and he realized that he was full and sleepy. He was dozing off when we left & we'll see if he stayed asleep.

The doctor is very pleased with his progress. Aaron & I are hopeful he'll be home soon. As I've told them, I'm not getting my hopes up until they tell us we need to bring in the car seat. Until that moment I have hope, but my hopes are up lest they be dashed.

Did I tell you about the car seat test? I'm too lazy to check old posts so you get it again if I haven't :)

All babies who leave the NICU must pass a car seat test. Depending on how far away you live determines how long the baby stays in the seat. Since we live 15 minutes (at most) away from the hospital, we only have to pass an hour long test. The test is done to verify the type of car seat you have doesn't cause your baby to stop breathing or cause other issues. I'm a fan of this test! Although if your baby fails the test you get to stay for another 48 hours...So it's a HUGE deal. Once you pass, you pretty much get to go home in the next couple of days. Believe me, I'll let you all know!!!

Duncan ate 5 full feedings in a row so far today!!! Hopefully he's asleep now & will be able to eat full feeds through the night so we're 24 hours closer to coming home!!!

And HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to Chris & Tiff for their new baby girl!! Welcome to the world Bria :)

28 days later

No matter what Momma does I manage to do this with my hat...

Mighty D is now a month old!!! I can hardly believe it. What a month we've had! He has grown so much and is getting to be such a baby instead of a newborn. I fall in love with him more each day and cannot believe he's mine. What a treasure I have in him :)

So...progress report:
Duncan had 3 great feedings in a row today. He had 2 full feedings at 9 & noon, then ate all but 14 ml from the bottle at 3. Totally awesome progress! He also gained 40 grams yesterday so he's continuing to gain weight. His doctor increased the amount of milk he's getting so he'll grow faster (hopefully) but that's not a huge issue. The nurse will see what his cues are to see if his 6 pm feeding is via gavage or bottle/gavage. Big steps to coming home, though! Pretty soon we'll have to go buy bottles and such!

It was a terribly bureaucratic day for me. I had to call the short term disability company to verify they received my fax about having a c-section. Even though everywhere on the paperwork from them it says a c-section gets 8 weeks disability pay, the doctor didn't state specifically that 8 weeks were needed for recovery. Sigh. Fortunately my case worker will contact the doctor's office and get the info needed. Plus the gal I talked to was very helpful because she thought I should be spending time with my baby & not talking to her. Great customer service!

Then I had to deal with the insurance company and the breast pump rental. Normally, my insurance does not cover a breast pump. Forget that breast fed babies are normally healthier and will cost them less in the long run. Heaven forbid they put out $50 a month. Sorry. Rant over. Back to the story. Since Duncan is in the hospital and requires breast milk to get out of said hospital, they covered it for a month. Well, that month is up in 2 days. So we had to get more data for the insurance company and fax it over. Fortunately the out-patient services at the Women's Clinic at Sacred Heart are totally awesome and took care of it for me. And, miracle of miracles, Premera will pay for another month of rental!! I guess I won't bad-mouth them for a couple days. Or until I get the next packet of EOB's...:)

Aaron is the most WONDERFUL husband. He was on call today instead of having to go in to work. My mom was scheduled to come visit for a couple hours since she hadn't seen Duncan since the day he was born. Aaron left & went shopping at Costco (including picking up prescriptions for me). Then he came home & installed our air conditioner! We have a window unit & for the past 5 years it's been in the window of our spare room...Which is now Duncan's room. So he had to rig it up somewhere else. It's now in the window of our bedroom & it's so much cooler in the house! THANK YOU, SWEETIE!!!!!

Mom had fun with Mighty D. He was wide awake and ready to play. He showed her his tongue and that he can smile at people. He also did the forehead wrinkle for her and was generally cute. Shocking, I know. She was amazed at how big he's gotten and was also so happy he's not bruised & battered anymore :) Then she got to hang out while he ate. It was a fun visit for both of them, I think. Though we're pretty sure Duncan was very confused when he was cuddled to Mom's chest. She has an artificial heart valve that sounds very distinctive and I think it might have confused him.

Duncan loves Grandma Kay

Duncan had super fun mail today. (all I got was the water bill) Grandma Sylvia & Grandpa Ken sent him LOTS of kisses which will be delivered when we go back after dinner and some sleepers which are the perfect size :)

Passing on kisses

Cousins Don & Sharon Marsland sent him his first book (seriously. I can't believe we haven't bought him any books!!! YIKES!), Goodnight Moon. I'm very excited to read it to him!

Almost a month

Duncan is almost a month old! Yikes. This has been the longest, fastest month ever. I can't believe that I'll be healed from my c-section by the time he's sprung from the joint. Weird.

He's done really well today. He was wide awake for the 9 am feeding then stayed awake through the noon feeding. Booger. But he pretty much passed out in a glorious milk stupor around 12:30. He's very cute when milk-drunk. Well, he's very cute most of the time :)

Jo from occupational therapy came by today. She hadn't seen him in a week and was amazed by how big he is! His muscle tone has improved and she really liked his coordination. He's very good about bringing his hands to midline now. Duncan also uses his hands to show he's hungry by chewing and rooting on them. They like to see that because babies born young don't know how to do that. It's a good sign of maturity.

So...funny story. Duncan doesn't like having his hands restricted in any way. He's managed to pull out or partially pull out his gavage tube at least 6 times that I know of. So we put mittens on his hands so he couldn't get his little fingers under the tube & yank. When he still had the patches on his temples from the bili-light mask, he figured out the mittens would stick to the velcro. We'd go & check on him & there would be 2 mittens stuck to the side of his head. Very clever. Now we use socks. Much tighter at the wrist & nearly impossible to get off. We'll see, though.

Duncan is now 6 pounds, 3.1 ounces :) He's growing really well on breastmilk alone which is totally awesome!

And today's lesson: Always make sure you attach the bottles when you're pumping. Trust me.

Tomorrow will be fun for Duncan - Grandma Kay is coming to visit for a bit while Aaron's at work. Not sure if she'll get snuggles or not. Depends on if he's awake. But it'll be fun!!!

I talk in my sleep just like Momma

Booger butt...

Looking at Auntie

Reading with Daddy

My official 6 pound club certificate!

Duncan did really well last night. I think (fingers crossed) he has this eating thing down. Now we just need energy. We'll see what the OT says today.

Aaron & I did actually go to the baseball game last night. It was very weird. Fortunately (?) none of our friends that we sit by were there last night so we didn't have to tell our story. Which kind of made it easier. I was itchy to go at 7:30 but knew we should wait. So around 8:15 we left. Almost 2 hours of baseball. Not bad. I did get to show off pictures to a couple of our friends which was fun.

It was a very exciting day in our room yesterday. Duncan's roommate, Aadi, gets to go home!!!!! His parents were in shock when they got the news. It was so sweet. They "roomed in" last night and should be sprung this afternoon! We're so excited for them :)

We met with the occupational therapist today. We're now feeding Mighty D as he cues us. That means if he's rooting around and really awake we try to bottle feed him. We'll probably do 2 in a row then gavage the 3rd. Which makes for an entertaining schedule trying to get a breastfeeding in there but that's okay. This is a HUGE step closer to getting him home!

After we were given the go-ahead to cue feed, Duncan did 2 good feedings in a row. A full feeding at 9 am and all but 10 ml at noon. Then my little booger butt decided to stay awake. From about 11:45 until 3:30. Silly boy. He didn't fuss either. Just wide awake and looking around. Which made his visitors happy!!! Today he got to meet Nancy and Uncle Joe. And Auntie Mary finally got to hold him for a bit. Which made her really, really happy :)

Now, I'm off for my nap. It's been much easier on me to blog in the afternoon rather than the evening. This way stuff gets posted but I'm more cognizant of what the heck I'm writing.

By the way...6 pounds, 2.2 ounces. He gained 60 grams yesterday!!!!

Duncan does a forehead wrinkle just like his daddy

Okay, this is so cute it doesn't need a caption

Look at me!!! I'm over 6 pounds!! and I'm tired.

Thank goodness - Duncan is doing much better. Whatever was griping in his belly passed and he was able to do all the normal stuff without screaming. (Someday, he may read this blog and I will be in serious trouble for talking about his poo, etc...) Hopefully he's past the worst of it.

Well, he was. This morning Mighty D was back to usual happy self. We are very, very relieved.

Duncan only gained 10 grams yesterday because he used all the food energy being upset but he is now, officially, a member of the 6 pound club!!!! He weighs 6 pounds, .1 ounce :) He got a certificate from his nurse, too! I didn't take a picture yet...totally spaced it.

He did really well on his feeding this morning - he ate from me for about 15 minutes and from the bottle for a full 30 or 35 ml. He was also awake and playing after eating for about 30 minutes. That's actually a good thing because it means he's getting more energy and is getting ready to do more feedings in a row! We have a meeting with the occupational therapy group tomorrow (either Jo or Margaret - I don't know because their schedules are weird from the holiday). It'll be great for them to see the difference in Duncan from last week to this week. He's doing so much better!

Side note - the small world of Spokane continues to make me giggle. Jo is the wife of Dan who I worked with for 8 years and worked directly with for 2 or 3. I really love that she's working with us because she already knew us :)

Aaron & I are heading to the ballpark tonight for the first time this year. I printed out some pictures of Duncan...we're only staying until 8:30 or so because I need to be at the hospital to breastfeed at 9. But we're getting out. The nurses were very excited we're getting out & "living". I'm ready to go. I think. I took a nap today. Well, several. I'm going to pump right before we leave so there is plenty of milk for my little guy for tonight and tomorrow. We can do this!!

And hopefully we'll be able to take Duncan to games soon. He'll be literally attached to me in a Moby wrap because we can't have him passed around due to germs. Yes, I thought that whole "keep the baby away from crowds" was an old wives tale but when you think about it, it's really not. Duncan is accustomed to our germs. We've been around him and his immune system is ready for us. Because he's so tiny, he doesn't have the strength to fight the rest of the world's germs. So we'll keep him close for a while.

I never thought this was how I would spend 4 weeks of my maternity leave. Right now, I'll only have 4 weeks or so once Duncan is out to spend with him. Don't get me wrong - I love that I've got a job and have leave enough to be with him. But I wanted to spend it with him here at the house. Eating and playing and napping. Fortunately, Aaron & my schedules will make it so he doesn't have to go to daycare. We are so blessed by that!!!! Aaron was able to change his schedule to work all evenings and I can go to work at 5 am til 1:30 so he gets to work on time. I don't think I could leave him in daycare after these past 4 weeks. Leaving him with Daddy is much better :)

Happy Fourth of July!!

Happy Birthday, America!!!

Ideally, tonight would be my little family at the ballpark, sharing the wonder of America with our friends at the stadium. We'd probably leave before fireworks so Duncan wouldn't get scared (plus they're really loud). Instead we're spending the evening in the NICU. We do have our window so we'll be able to see the fireworks. If we stay that late. We may just come home & go to bed.

Duncan did really well this morning. He ate at 9 from both me & from the bottle. At the noon feeding he was a bit angry. Well, angry is putting it mildly. He was seriously cheesed off. Which is interesting because he's not a crier. He fusses a bit and lets out a cry or two but not too much. But he was crying and crying and there was nothing we could do to soothe him. We're pretty sure he had a gas bubble or something equally uncomfortable. He finally fell asleep around 1 or so. Aaron & I went & ate our lunch then came back. Poor little guy woke up again around 2. We cuddled him and around 2:30 tried to get him to eat something but he had used up all his energy crying and just couldn't nipple anything. We fed him most of his milk through the gavage tube and the nurse (bless her) ordered some baby Gas-X to try & help his poor belly. I'm hoping it will help. The nurses offered to hold Duncan so Aaron & I could get a break (what will we do when we don't have nurses???). He had calmed down considerably when we left at 3:30. Hopefully he's over the worst.

What day is it???

We've now had over 27 hours of full feedings - the last time Duncan was gavaged during a feeding was yesterday at the 9 am. He's doing really well. He was also pretty awake during the noon gavage feed. A very good sign he might be ready for back-to-back feedings. But we'll probably wait until tomorrow or Monday to try that. Depends on if the OT agrees. Or if she's in LOL. Someone should get the 4th off!!!

The nurses have been trying to get Aaron & I to go out & do something. Aaron drug me, pretty much kicking and screaming, shopping this week. I didn't want to to go but it was probably a good thing. We may actually use our baseball tickets for one of the games this week. Not for the 4th of July, but for the 5th or 6th. It'll actually work out since we normally rest from about 1 or 2 to about 8 or so. But we'll leave (or I'll leave) around 8:30ish so I can get to the hospital for the 9 pm breastfeeding session.

The doctor was still encouraged today and didn't change anything. Duncan also gained weight and is now at 5 pounds, 15.1 ounces. Almost 6 whole pounds!! It's odd to be so excited over him getting to be the size of a small, "normal" baby. But we are :) This is good news because it means Duncan meets the weight minimum for release. Granted, the weight minimum was 5 pounds (I think) but I'm okay with him being a chunky guy! Well, he's not exactly chunky but he's getting more baby fat & it's terribly cute.

Better

I only get a binky if I have the hiccups or am getting a feed through the nose tube. Therefore, I am holding on to it so Momma can't take it from me.

Word to all my peeps??

My Momma loves to take video of me with the hiccups. Seriously Momma! I do so many other cute things...but too quickly for the camera :)

Today was a much better day when the doctor came in. Duncan did well, at least 30 ml eaten at each feeding time, yesterday and this morning. His poo has firmed up (did I ever mention that? the child had the foulest smelling, super watery poos. They took me off dairy which didn't help. finally we took him off all the additives and formulas which were being added to thicken the milk because he has reflux. Interestingly, the HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP they were using to thicken the milk made him sick!!!! Aaron & I were absolutely flabbergasted at what they use to increase calories & thicken breast milk. But now he's on straight breast milk and is doing really really well). He is gaining weight as well or better than when he was on the formula/thickener, etc mix. The doctor was really pleased and didn't change a thing! She thinks he might be getting his sea legs and is getting this :) We also changed from a low-flow nipple to a "regular" nipple that allows more to come through quicker. He ate his 55 ml (more than what he needed) in about 20 minutes. With the previous nipple it took about 30. That gave me time to cuddle him for a while because we need to keep his feeding and care to about 45 minutes or an hour so he gets rest.

We also changed beds today. Duncan is no longer living in a bucket...he has a big boy crib! The new crib also has a slightly higher incline which will help decrease the reflux. Plus it's easier to kiss him because he's right a kissing level for his Momma :)

My big boy bed - I don't sleep in a bucket anymore!

Aaron & I wanted to have Duncan home by now but both of us realize we couldn't care for him as he needs cared for. It's very, very difficult to leave him but we know he's loved by his nurses. He has them wrapped around his little fingers.

Oh and the best news! Duncan has now gained over a pound from his birth weight!!! He started life at 4 pounds, 14 ounces and, as of last night, weighs 5 pounds 14.6 ounces!!!! I love his double chin and his chubby cheeks and his cute belly. He's almost the size of a "normal" baby.

Again, Aaron & I truly appreciate the warm wishes, prayers and kindness people have sent our way via calls, emails and this blog. We cannot express how grateful we are to you. This has been an unplanned journey with so many curves we're beyond dizzy. All of you have been so wonderful and we love you!!!

NICU roller coaster

Yes, I love hiccup videos. But you'll also see Duncan putting his hand to his mouth which is a sign of him getting better at feeding and indicating he's hungry. Except at the moment of the video he's actually not hungry - he'd just eaten his entire bottle...But it's still pretty cute! (from the totally unbiased Momma)

Today was an up & down day at the NICU. The doctor came in & told us some options that may be down the road if Duncan doesn't "get" bottle & breast feeding soon. They're pretty dramatic but we appreciate (sort of) the honesty. However, he did well during his 9 am breast feed/bottle feed and was very sleepy during his gavage feed at noon. That's okay because we're trying to build energy during the gavage feeds. He was awake at 2:30 and was still awake at 4 when I left...And at his 3 pm feed he took the ENTIRE feed from the bottle and was still alert enough to play afterward!!

Hopefully he'll go to sleep & rest for a bit so he's ready to go for the 9 pm breast feeding/bottle feeding.

And we're saying lots of prayers Duncan catches on to this feeding thing soon. His Daddy & Momma are worn out.

Oh and, for the THIRD time, Duncan pulled out his gavage tube. BTW - the gavage tube is the nose tube. 3 times. But it went back in more smoothly this time than the last time. And it's taped much closer to his nose so hopefully he won't pull it out. I've given up on the mittens I knitted for him. He figured out how to pull them off today. He puts them up on the velcro on the right side of his head, waits for them to stick & pulls. Voila! No mitten. I'm taking up socks later to see if they'll stay on better. I do so LOVE my Wiggly-Boo!!!

We met with Margaret, one of the occupational therapists, during the 3 pm feeding. She is very impressed with Duncan's nippling skills (yes, that's the actual term. Weird to write but heck, I write about breasts so why not??). He also latches on very well when he breastfeeds. So he has the skills to eat, just not the energy. But we're getting there. I'm still hopeful we'll be home soon. Besides, I didn't intend to spend my entire maternity leave at the hospital so I'm sending SUPER positive vibes and prayers to my Duncan so I can spend lots of time with him at home soon :)

And now, I need to go & see if we actually have a living room. I remember it once but it's been missing for a couple weeks. I have just over an hour before it's time to pump again so I can dedicate some time. For some reason I actually have energy. Could be the first Pepsi I've had since October...Nah. That couldn't be it!

Sigh

Ready for bed

Duncan is still being the best little trooper ever! We returned to every other feeding through the nose tube yesterday. The occupational therapist explained why and it totally makes sense. We need to build in rest times for the little guy so he gets lots of energy and can come home. So it's not a step backward, more of a lateral. We also decreased the number of breastfeeding times to twice daily at 9 am & 9 pm. Babies use a ton of energy to get breast milk so we're maximizing his opportunity and (hopefully) energy. But I don't care if I have to pump for a year if it gets Mighty D home to us!!!

Hopefully this will get the little guy on the road to coming home quicker!

Poor little man has also had problems with loose poo. They had me cut out dairy 2 weeks ago. He was starting to get better then they changed his bottle feedings to a higher calorie and *poof* the problem reoccurred. He's been on breast milk only for the past 24 hours & the doctor is sending a sample to the lab to see if he has an intolerance to proteins or carbohydrates. The most likely scenario is he has something in his gut that hasn't matured and can't process the fats in breast milk. We'll take him off breast milk for a couple weeks so his belly, etc can heal then restart the breast feeding. I'll still pump and stockpile milk so he'll still have plenty to get from me. But we'll see what the results say from the test.

Right now, it looks like we'll be spending the 4th of July in the NICU. There is a possibility he could turn a corner and be ready to come home but it'll probably be a week or so more.